It was...

nice. beautiful. energizing. rainy. sunny. quiet. beautiful. relaxing. needed. refreshing.
I'm not quite ready to share all that I absorbed.
When you read about Mary, the mother of Jesus, in scripture you'll notice this phrase follows some of the events in her life "and Mary pondered all of these things in her heart."
I'm still in a place of pondering. Not quite ready for reality yet. But I will leave you with this picture from my last morning there.
Enjoy. and thanks for the prayers.

I didn't know...

Each fall I usually take myself on a spiritual retreat somewhere. Seeing as I haven't had a job for the last three months, I didn't think I needed one this year. I have been overwhelmingly blessed with time. Time to rest, be with people, travel, volunteer, and be in the scriptures. Who needs to retreat from all of that goodness?

Tomorrow I leave for East Tennessee. I've had mixed feelings about this trip. Guilt-- for actually being able to leave. Joy--cause its peak fall colors and I get to sit on the side of a mountain and enjoy them. Hope--that God will open my eyes to more of Him. Pathetic-ness--for needing more. Overwhelmed--because who am I that I get to do all of these things? I could go on and on.

This morning we sang this simple lyric "I want You. I need You."

I didn't know until this morning...I need to retreat. I need God to show up, even more.

I was Reminded...

I was reminded yesterday that I am a fringe person. I notice the people on the fringes. This, apparently, is an admirable quality. To be honest, I struggle being here. I think my entire life has been about trying to fit in, instead of standing out. Why? That's a good question. Let me tell you.

Its because sometimes the loneliness of sticking out is too painful. At Catalyst Rob Bell talked about the 9 words in Exodus 20. (aka the 10 Commandments). He talked about how in Jewish tradition, number 10 was really a reward for obeying the previous 9. what's word 10? It's the "do not covet your neighbors _______" Don't want what your neighbor has. Why is this a reward? Because when you are doing what God has asked you to do, you do not want to be anyone else.

You do not want to be anyone else. I confess there are many days I want to be someone else. Its true that many people are never content with what they have been given. If you have straight hair, you want curly. If you have curly you want straight. If you are single, you want to be married, if you are married you want to be single. If you are a career mom you want to be a stay-at-home one and if you are a stay-at-home mom, you want to have a career.

Its a vicious cycle that I get sucked into almost on a daily basis. Its a constant struggle to remind myself that what I have, now, is good. When Paul says in Philippians that he's learned to be content no matter the circumstances--I so want to ask him how he learned it! However, I have a feeling I wouldn't like his answer.

If I keep my eyes on Jesus...the rest of the world grows strangely dim. If I keep my eyes on Jesus...I can love those fringe people. If I keep my eyes on Jesus--I do not want to be anyone else.

"Whenever the cloud lifted from above the Tent, the Israelites set out; wherever the cloud settled, the Israelites encamped."Numbers 9:17

Catalyst 09

I went to a Catalyst Confernce in Atlanta this week. As my brian digests all of the wisdom I received, I hope to pass along some encouragement to you. For now, please note the links next to this entry under "Social Justice Sites". There's some amazing organizations out there working hard to right some injustice. Visit their sites, get involved!

Lyrics..

"These Hard Times"
Needtobreathe

Give me something brighter

Give me something I can see

Give me something vicious

Give me something I can be

Give me all the love and peace

To end these wars

Give me something sacred

Something worth fighting for

It's clear enough to me

The ugliness I see

Is evidence of who I need

Give me an answer

Give me a way out

Give the faith

To believe in these hard times

Give me motivation

Give me all my heart's desires

Show me something gorgeous

Show me 'til my eyes get tired

Give me all the drums and

Show me how to play them loud

Show me how to move

When I can't feel that you're around

It's clear enough to me

The ugliness I see

Is evidence of who I need

Give me an answer

Give a way out

Give me the faith

To believe in these hard times

We hide like thieves in shadows

Scared of the sun

We know the light will find us

Us and all we've done

Give me an answer

Give me a way out

Give me the faith

To believe in these hard times