Went and heard Donald Miller last night. He wrote "Blue Like Jazz", "Searching for God Knows What?" a book about traveling in a VW van from Houston to Oregon where the VW van actually was sold for money so he and his friend could live, and an upcoming book written for boys who grew up without a dad entitled "To Own a Dragon". Although I am not a boy or a man, I'm excited about this book.
Excited because, having grown up without a dad, I can empathize with men who longed for that relationship and never had it...at least on some level. I imagine it's a few levels lower than what actual boys go through without a father, and someday I hope to talk to my brother about it, if God decides that he'll be able to comprehend life beyond the age of 14.
So...back to Donald. He's a funny guy. He read excerpts from his books, and sounds exactly how I had heard him in my head. After he read, there was a question and answer period that seemed to be a lot of people trying to be philosophers, but not actually attaining it. (much like this blogg, right now actually) Not that there weren't some valid questions, because there were. For example, the question Seth asked. He asked "How do I handle being apart of a mega-church, when I don't feel I fit in?" (that's my paraphase) I was glad he asked it...it's been a question I've been wrestling with for the last two or three months. Donald's response? Love the people in your community, talk to your pastor's face, not behind his back, be an agent of change.
I think what frustrates me is that it can't be an instant change. The movement for house churches, New Testament churches, small groups, life groups...whatever you want to call it...well, God is bringing us back to this...to His original plan...and because I want it to happen, yesterday, it's hard to sit and wait for everyone to get on board.
It's frustrating to sit in a service of 3,000 and watch most of them come, sit, stand,sing, sit, stand, clap, sit back down, stand and then go home. It's frustrating to know that 5,000 people come through the doors and we could only feed 120 families at thanksgiving last year. It's hard to sit in a church we SO MANY momentary resources and see what could be....and what actually is.
I want to be apart of a community that is passionate, alive, not self-seeking, kind, not boastful...all those things that we're told love is in I Corinthians. I want/need it to be authentic, not plastic. In the same breath...there are small pockets of this at my church. Most of my friends where sharing Jesus in other parts of the country and/or world this summer. There are women who start bible study's in their neighborhoods, there are family's being restored, and students who know Christ at the beginning of this school year, who didn't at the beginning of last.
I'm just weary of the plastic....less plastic, more authentic.
And I'm back to the question...do I stay at the mega-church, be an agent of change or do I leave and let it fend for itself? Am I at church for what I get out of it, or for what I can give?