I've come to realize a few things about myself over the last two days.
First, I tend to shut down when people yell, even if it's not at me. Mentally I crawl into the fetal position and wait for everything to pass.
Second, it's much easier for me to be whomever people want me to be, rather than be myself.
This could be because I tend to think in extremes and either I like myself or I don't depending on the day or hour. At least when I act like everyone wants me to I know I'll be liked. This tends to lead to a bigger problem--commonly known as peer pressure. (Yes...all you jr. high and high schoolers out there...it doesn't end...) For us "churched" folk--we've heard it called "fear of man" Basically...we make people bigger than God.
Paul writes to the church in Galatia, "If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant to Christ." Personally, I like to think of myself as a bond-servant of Christ...at the same time...I try too hard to please men and a house divided against itself, will not stand.
Maybe that's why I feel like I'm going insane! It's just so exhausting trying to just be me, when over the last 25ish years I've been whomever I perceive people want me to be.
So...to help in those times of extreme disappointment--or when I can't remember who it is I actually am--here's a list of things I am:
a puddle jumper, outdoorsy, an optimist, a bad speller, photographer, musician, crier, coffee-lover, fun, sweet, honest, encourager, loyal, eclectic, brave, reflective, easily amused, happy in the mornings (well, most mornings), sensitive, flip-flops and jeans, an observer/people watcher, tour guide, compassionate, adventurous, sporty, a princess...
Daddy...my eyes do not always see the love you have for me. Remind me of who You are and who I am because of you.