Thinking...

As a singleton, I've heard over and over that I need to be ok with being single. "If you get comfortable with who you are, then Mr. Right will come along". "You need to be content in your singleness, that's when it happened for me" I'm not a big fan of these statements, not because I think they are false, but because the people stating them are not me. I understand the concept but my story is not your story and just because things worked out that way for you doesn't mean it will for me.

I was talking with my counselor the other day and she mentioned how she had to die to the idea of marriage as a single person and as a wife. We tend to put marriage on a pedestal and then we fall off and are bruised. There is a lot of recovery time. Some days it is painful to let go of desires and entrust Christ.

Whether your single or married--I think this verse in Psalm is a prayer that God will honor. Its not every day that I can honestly say I want Him more than anything else in the world, but I can say that almost every day I have the want to want Him more than anything.

Teach me your way, O LORD,
and I will walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.
Psalm 86:11

BNL Retreat 09

Ladies! It was a joy! May the work He began...continue...

Its old...but fantastic...

If You Want Me To

The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

Chorus:
Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

ya oh oh no

So When the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I go through the valley If You want me to

72 Years...

Thursday was a rare ocassion where I found myself home and without much to do. I wanted to go to bed around 7:00pm, but decided that was a little too pathetic. Just to be sure, I text'd a friend and she did agree with my pathetic assesment.

I decided to watch the finale episode of ER. I haven't really watched this show in about six or so years; but loved it when it first started.

There was an older man who was losing his wife and Uncle Jesse was his doctor. The old man looks at Uncle Jesse and says "72 years. That is how long I've known and loved her".

72 years.

A lot of people do not live that long. He had been devoted to this one woman for 72 years. How immeasurably beautiful that is! How content and how secure did she feel in that love? Did she take advantage of it? Was she ever tired of it? Did she ever want more than him and his love?

Throughout the book of Ephesians, Paul discusses that through Christ, God has predestined us (Christ followers) to good works that were prepared before the foundations of the world. He talks about how God, through Christ, has lavished his love on us with all wisdom and understanding. that He gives grace so that through faith we may believe in Him.

And well, I find myself taking advantage of it. I find myself wanting more and not being content in this complete and perfect love that He has offered me. It's hard for me to accept this free gift. To not want to work for it or try and earn it. If I am ________ then I can feel worthy of the gift.

But I don't have to be worthy of His love, and the truth is I'm not. But He freely gives it. He gives it in spite of my screw ups, my utter failures and my sometimes horrible attitude.

And He has loved me for more than 72 years. Before the foundation of the world, He knew me. He chose me. He was/is/will be for me.

More than 72 years...