June 27, 2006


That was the title of the article on MSN this morning. I'd post the link here, but I cannot find it and I don't have the energy to keep looking for it. The article basically said in the age of modern technology more Americans are feeling alone and there are many who don't know one person, outside immediate family, that they can confide in.

This is sad. This is my reality...or so it feels. I can honestly say I have more than immediate family members that I know care about me and that I can confide in. I'm actually VERY blessed in that area and my head knows this.

My heart, on the other hand, is currently not recognizing it as truth. It hasn't quite caught up to my head. I feel I am again in the "tweener" spot between wanting to be at large parties, hanging with lots of people and laughing a ton and being very tired of the superficialness of parties. I crave authentic, deep, real, hurting, accepting, no-mask relationships. Again, I am blessed because I do have these...but why so much void?

Today, every time I feel the lonliness creep in, I remind myself of the relationships I do have. Last week I simply bowed my head whilst waiting for traffic and asked the Lord to be my affirmation.

He was. He is.

I know this season will pass and someday I'll crave days of being alone.

I am not stuck here, but I do wonder how long this lasts and want despertly to fix me. I'd like to shake some sense into my heart.


Small Group Guy said...

It sometimes takes awhile for the heart and the head to get on the same page. About the time that happens though it is time for a new book.

I do not have any great pearl of wisdom for you. But just know that I will pray for you. I may be several states away and we may have never met in person, but I consider you a fellow vagabond, wandering in life looking for purpose, direction, and the perfect will of God.

Keep hanging in there. Your heart will be gladdened one day when you realize with heart and head how much God has given you...more then you can even fathom now.

jillymae said...

"I'd like to shake some sense into my heart."

love that! it's so accurate. exactly the way i feel somedays =)

Anonymous said...

You are loved Hector Sue! I can empathise with you though. I could never be one of those "zillions of friends/no close friends" people. I need a handful of close friends and I'm set. You are one of my handful. I reread my "Hunt Hotel" thank you card last night. It made me smile. I never did tell you that Lucy LOVED the ropes.