It'sThat Time...

Ecclesiastes 3 tells us there is a time for every activity under heaven and that we cannot fathom what God has done from the beginning to the end.

I believe time to be a bitter sweet necessity in our lives. Bitter because we get frustrated with God when He does not do things in our time-frame. Sweet because if he hadn't given us a 24-hr day, who knows what we would try to accomplish! We need time and yet it can be the very thing that keeps us from continuing to follow Christ whole heartedly. It can be a deterrent of trust.

I know in my own life I seem to be frustrated the most when God has said no to something I think would be best for me, right now. Whether it was a great career or the man I wanted to marry, God said its not time yet.

What is it you had hoped God would do, but you have yet to see it happen? Let me encourage you with this--Abraham was 100-years-old when Isaac was born. and Moses was 80-years-old when God sent him back to the Promise Land to free His people.

What God has promised to do for you

He.
Will.
Do.

There is a time for everything. Do not let being caught here on this earth, stuck in time, deter you from trusting the One who lives in eternity.

I've Returned

I've returned from the Proverbs 31 "She Speaks" Conference!

To those who were praying for me--yes it was great. I learned a lot and met some really great people.

To those really great people I met--I look forward to seeing how God continues to use us to glorify Him and His Kingdom!

For now I'm going to breathe deeply, love my family intensely and pray fiercely.

525,600 Minutes...

When God asked me to "relax and receive", I'm glad He did not give me a time frame. I would have flipped out had I known it be at least a year. I do not think I would have listened. I would have found my own way.

In the last 525,600 minutes I have received much. Too many things to list here. Too many friends to mention. Too many blessings in what should have been a very dark time in my life. So I'll write about one gift I received.

I found me. I got myself back. I hadn't realized how much of me had gone missing in three and half years. My soul is no longer angry 80% of the time. I breathe deeper breaths. I think I laugh more. I am calmer than before. I hope more often. I dream again. I wake up with prayers being the first thing in my mind, not dread.

I'm more grounded than before. I know my weaknesses, my limitations and am more inclined to ask for help.

Places of my heart have healed--and I'm still unaware of it. I've learned I don't have to earn, but I can just be.

Although there are days I think it should be over, more often than not, when I'm quiet. I can feel peace seep into the deep places and I remember who I am and who I serve.

It Should Be Over

Have you ever gotten to that point where you think the season should be over? When I lived in Michigan it was always mid-March when I thought winter should be over. I was done. There had been enough snow and gray skies, it was time for spring. It was time for new. Here in Tennessee I get this way early September, when I'm tired of the heat and humidity and long for sweater and flops temperatures.

Currently I can honestly say that I'm ready for this season of unemployment to be over. I'm tired of resting. (ironic, maybe?) I'm ready to work. I'm ready for God to say "go here. do this". The temptation to believe that this season will be like the winters of Narnia when the White Witch ruled, is very present.

In the same breath, I know I will long for these days. When my life is whirlwind crazy and I'm back to spreading myself too thin I will ask God for another year to rest. I understand this last year is a rare gift that He does not offer to everyone. I know I'm not the same person I was last July. And I'm grateful for it. I found me again.

Paul tells the Philippians that he " has learned the secret to being content, whether living in plenty or in want, being well fed or hungry." What's the secret? "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."

So once again I have the joy of knowing its not in my own strength that I wait for this season to be over.

It will not be in my own strength that I will survive the whirlwind crazy life again.

It is because I wait on the Lord that my strength is renewed. I will soar on wings like eagles. I will run and not grow weary...

Rain and Bows

I think I was five-years-old. I was contently sitting under the big picture window, reading my library of Dr. Seuss books when my dad came in the back door frantically saying my name and "Come quick! You have to see this!"

"But ddaaaaddd! it's raining! I do not want to get wet!" I replied.

I'm not exactly sure what happened next, but I do remember ending up outside, getting wet. I also remember the sun was shining. As we carried me to the perfect spot in our back yard--he pointed and said "Look up there. Do you see it?? It's a rainbow."

There it was...this red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and purple streak in the sky. It was quite impressive!

I was reading in Genesis 6-9 today about Noah and his first encounter with a rainbow. It was after the flood, after being on an ark for a year and ten days with his immediate family and every living creature that was created. It was after seeing rain for the first time. It was after his life changed forever.

And it was a sign. It was God's symbol that he would keep his covenant to never flood the earth again.

Today we stop what we are doing and race outside (sometimes in the rain) to look at rainbows. We stare for a while and return to whatever it is we were doing.

Maybe we should do that with the covenants of God too. Maybe we should run to remember the covenants God has made in scripture, read/stare/apply them and return to whatever it is we were doing.

Maybe then we'll see the beauty in them as well as in rainbows.

*photo found via google images

Songs and Such

For the last month or so an odd phenomenon has been occurring in my brain. You see, I'll wake up in the middle of the night and have two competing thoughts vying for my minds attention. The front of my head is typically the negative thought. It's usually about something I messed up or something I should have done with my day that I did not and sometimes the self-loathing thoughts get the better of me. After all, it is the middle of the night and I was just awakened for no apparent reason.

The second competing thought, in the back of mind, is a song. Always a song. And it's a song that directly contradicts the negative. i.e. "How He loves" and "He Is Stronger" (these two seem to repeat themselves quite often in that half of my brain)

It's one thing to know there is a war being fought over my mind, it's totally different to experience this war in such a vivid way.

So tonight as I was losing my voice singing way off key at Kairos, I got to thinking about this war that goes on in my head. I realized that sometimes I cannot remember how far God has brought me. Sometimes I cannot think of truth and I do not always remember that I am created in the image of God and how much worth that gives me.

So I sing.

I use words and melodies as weapons.

He makes me victorious.

Fields of Fireflies

After visiting a friend today, I decided to drive the back roads to my home. Although it was a hot and sticky day I drove with my window down. Every now and again I could smell the humidity mixed with the faint scent of rolled hay. (I was driving through farm country.) It wasn't until the later half of my drive that I noticed the fireflies.

Fireflies intrigue me. I'm not sure why, but it's true.

Maybe its because I think its fun that God would create a bug whose butt lights up. Maybe its because they were one of the easiest bugs for my seven-year-old hands to catch.

As I stood near the fence line and watched the fireflies light up the field I realized they really make the mundane field--exciting. They make the ordinary--unusual. They make taking time to watch them--meaningful.

They reminded me of the lyric I had just listened to "Holy design. This place in time. That I might seek and find my God. My God."

Fields of Fireflies make me stop and notice them. They settle my heart to a point that I am comfortable to seek and find my God.

Perhaps, that's why God created a bug whose butt lights up.

Wait? Really?

Why? Why do we not like to wait?

Why are we afraid to do nothing? Why must there be constant busy-ness?

Ever play the game “Frogger”? I may have just dated myself, but this was my favorite Atari™ game. I would have to play it at my aunt’s house because we did not own it. If you’ve never played it goes something like this.

Basically you are a frog. And as the frog, your goal is to jump through the four lanes of traffic, across the gator filled water safely onto your lilipad. Ideally you do this without being run over, falling prey to a gator or the clear-blue water they live in. To wait in the road was to die. To wait on the log above the water could prove to be dangerous; you may lose your life.

Even the Atari™ tries to tell me waiting too long is not beneficial to one’s life.

Why do we not like to wait?

We will tolerate waiting, but only for a period of time. Ever watch a crowd of concert goers? They know the doors are supposed to open at 6:00. They will wait in line to get in, but if you watch closely you can see the crowd get more and more agitated as 6:05 and 6:07 begin to appear on their watches.

Are we afraid we will miss something?

Un-Inspired

It has been an adventuresome couple of weeks for me. Dog sitting, trip to MI, more dog sitting. Time has been filled with relaxing, reading, beaches, camping, family time, parades, favorite donuts, birthday parties, minor league baseball games, confirmation of life's direction, spiritual lows, encouragement, waring, victory tainted with small moments of defeat.

In all of the adventure you would think I'd have something to write. You would think I'd have a witty comment or other random story.

I've got nothing. Maybe its the busy-ness and lack of sleep. Maybe the weariness of waiting is weighing too heavily on my heart.

I am unable to put my finger on it. And maybe I don't need to name it. Maybe it is what it is and I go to bed tonight hoping to not know just tomorrow's mercies are new, but to feel it as well.
Maybe...

The Swell Season

Last Tuesday I was able to go and see The Swell Season at the Ryman. Glen and Marketa are amazing in the movie "Once" and just as legit live if not better. Their voices seem to meld passion and purity in the most intriguing way. Indeed, it is swell. (you knew the pun was coming right?)

It got me thinking--what is a swell season? What does a season of increasing or a season of swelling actually look like? My immediate first thought is a period of time where life is fantastic. Everything is going the way you designed, your job is great, friends and family are healthy and happy. You laugh more than you are sad. Aren't all of these characteristics of blessing and increase?

Then I looked up the word swell at dictionary.com. The first definition of the word (when used with an object) is "to cause to grow up in bulk". Really? That's what swell means?

Because its typically in the difficult, not-so-great moments of my life where I grow up. It is in the making hard choices, in the waiting verses controlling and in trying to stop myself from manipulating others that I have seen the most growth in life.

It is also these moments that allow me to laugh more. There is a richness in the not-so-great moments of life that enable to me to understand the truly awe-inspiring moments.

The Swell Season--they write about ups and downs, tragedy and joy. And I tend to agree--it's all swell.

Reflecting...

Today has been a day of remembering for me. That being said, I'm re-posting one of my entries from January of 2009. It's still so true.

Yesterday the 44th President of the United States was sworn in to office. At the end of his inaugural address he quotes the following:

With hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come. Let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations.

When I heard these words, my immediate reaction was not to fight for my country, but rather, for my God. Life is different today than it was yesterday. My children's futures will be

different than mine; and this is a good thing. We do not want to be a static people.

And I do want my children's children to say that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end. The journey of bringing truth and freedom, love and justice, hope and peace to the generations that follow us. May my children's children know that it is because of God's grace that we were able to fight and that they, too, are able to share in it.

May the Church's unity be what sets us apart. May our love for our God not be hindered by our greed and selfishness. May we truly turn the other cheek, give extra clothing, and walk two miles instead of just one to ensure that the love Christ has for all peoples is known throughout the world.

May this be the legacy my generation leaves behind, and the one future generations refuse to falter. With strength that only comes from weaknesses, may we see the glory and the power of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Amen and Amen...

Impossible

I was driving home after a wonderful lunch with a great friend, pondering all that is my life as of late. I write, speak, and teach every now and again. I dog sit, help people who need it and have coffee with friends.

It's not so shabby.

I am also believing for some impossible things. Things I cannot do on my own, things I cannot begin to make happen.

There are two lyrics that have been my friend and my nemesis the last nine months: "Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord..." and "I believe Your my healer...nothing is impossible for You. You hold the world in Your hands..." Inevitably when doubts begin to overcome my faith I start hearing these songs everywhere.

So back to the driving. As I wandered past the local high school, behind a too slow moving vehicle, I began to realize how many "flippant" prayer's God has been answering, how He's answering them in ways I would not have, hallelujah, and how I have no idea why He's placed these impossible desires on my heart--but the peace that surrounds them leaves no doubt He will make them happen.

Again, its not something I can make happen, its definitely not something I would dream for myself, but I definitely look forward to Him accomplishing all He has in mind to accomplish. For His glory and my good.

Floods

It's flooding in my area. This place is only 7ish miles from my home. I haven't ventured out to see the damage for myself, mainly because I don't want to be in the way of clean up efforts.

On facebook and other areas there have been two reactions--shock and "Noah" references. Personally its very shocking to me. The devastation and ongoing ramifications are staggering. Yet we can still see buildings, tops of trees and although the street lights are almost under water they are not.

When Noah opened the window after the 40 days of rain--he saw nothing. Just water. His world was completely different. Changed. New. His reaction after reaching dry land? Worship.

*photo found @claytravisBGID

Stories...

I love stories. As a child I had a book shelf under the big picture window in our front room where I would sit and read my entire library of Dr. Seuss. I am still an avid reader, switching between fiction and non-fiction.

But not only do I enjoy reading stories, I love hearing them. When I first became unemployed I wondered how to get a job that involved coffee and listening to people's life-stories. If I had a dream job description it would have to involve those two things. People and coffee.

In just a few minutes I'll be meeting with a couple, over coffee, to hear what God is doing in their story. Then I will write a little diddy for the church's website.

Story, people, coffee and writing. I'm getting close.

Confident?

I'm an "I" personality. If you've ever taken then DISC profile personality test you know what I am talking about. If you haven't but know the one about the animals--I believe they call my personality an "otter". I have a book that lists the characteristics of an "I" personalities. One trait it mentions is: "masks insecurities with over confidence".

I cannot speak for others--but I can say this is very true of me. There. I've said it. *sigh of relief*

Because of this, when I read Philippians 1 I'm intrigued. Paul is writing to the church in Philippi, while under house arrest in Rome and he tells them that he is confident that God will continue the good work He has started in them and that he's confident he'll see them again.

Confident in God continuing to work in the church--I get that. Confident/Convinced that he'll see them again? Really? You are under house arrest. People are talking about how you will die.

I looked up the Greek word used here for confident--it means "to rely (by inward certainty)--agree, assure, believe, have confidence, be confident, make friend, obey, persuade, trust, yield.

Paul was certain he'd see the Philippians again. But certain in what? "I am confident in the Lord that I will come too". (2:24) It's like he is saying: "I rely on the Lord...I will come see you. I agree with the Lord...I obey, trust, yield to the Lord."

I will always struggle with masking my insecurities with over confidence. I used to hate it--now I know its a gift. It keeps me from being too confident in myself; and solely confident in the Lord.

Its Annoying When...

...you get "inspired" to write and you are nowhere near a computer. I should really get one of those recorder things John Cusack uses in "Say Anything". It could be beneficial to my loyal blog readers.

Below are some one-liners from my weekend, hopefully these will keep you entertained until my next bout of inspiration comes.

"Yes, one of the things I like about him is that he's a boy."
"I feel so grown up when I actually go inside the bank"
"He turned the gun sideways, it's a kill shot!"
"Are my eyes as red and puffy as yours?"
"Did you just move in?"
"Yes, but are they as nice as Jesus' abs?"
"I haven't been in this church service for five years, yet the song still doesn't end until after the key change."
"Even the mundane was ornate"
"What's your southern belle name again? Hudlah?"
"...and we'll have a pet elephant named Henry..."

Pizza...

Today I received an email asking me "what is your favorite food"? In high school, you're supposed to say pizza. However, almost 14 years later--I have the same answer. I almost feel lame. But for better or worse I could probably eat pizza every day. Maybe not with the same toppings, but I could eat it every day.

What about you? What's your favorite food?

Just Another Friday?

What made last Friday so "special"? That is one of the questions I received. Thanks for asking!
It's true--it may have felt like just another Friday to most.

For those who are Christ followers--its a day to remember the cornerstone of our faith. That Jesus Christ, who did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, being found in the likeness of man, humbled himself and became obedient to death--even death on a cross. The punishment that was meant for me was taken on Himself. Because of it I am healed.

Then came Sunday. Easter Sunday--where Christ followers remember and celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. He defeated death on deaths own terms. If Christ did not die and rise again then our faith is void and meaningless.

So, while it does have tendencies to seem like "just another Friday", remembering sacrifice and celebrating resurrected life make it significant.

Good Friday

Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. Duet 6:4-9

Thunderstorms and Peace

A storm's a brewin'! I'm in a cafe full of windows, and I love to watch the sky light up. As the trees sway back and forth I am reminded that my God is personal. He is near. He is a God of details and He has not forgotten me.

Now the roar of the rain on the roof is louder than the music in my ears.

Chaos rains and my inmost being is at peace.
Why?
Because I know the rain maker and, more importantly, He knows me.