So, after I told everyone at Bible study last week about how I was feeling (read Alone entry) my friend Mandy has some things to say.
Basically she reminded me that the fact God is pursuing me is a good thing, and it's not fake. It won't dissappoint like a man would and it'll be perfect. It was a great needed reminder.
Thanks Mandy!
Thanks JESUS for Mandy and the reminders of your love!
May 23, 2005
Softball
So..yesterday we played softball.
We were down by 1...top of the 7th (which is the last inning) two outs, tie run on 3rd and I'm up to bat...I have two strikes...I hit it JUST over the head of the 3rd base/short stop..and JUST shy of the left fielder and get the RBI!! We go into sudden death which is played where the last person out is on 3rd base, and you have two outs and can only score 4 runs at the most. So, we scored two that inning, and they were the home team so they still get to bat. They scored a run off of one of our errors but then we stopped them. YAY US. We won..8-7. I am/was fairly proud of myself for keeping us in it and not fudging it up. Although I didn't realize the huge pressure until the game was over, which is probably better for me
I love it! :)
We were down by 1...top of the 7th (which is the last inning) two outs, tie run on 3rd and I'm up to bat...I have two strikes...I hit it JUST over the head of the 3rd base/short stop..and JUST shy of the left fielder and get the RBI!! We go into sudden death which is played where the last person out is on 3rd base, and you have two outs and can only score 4 runs at the most. So, we scored two that inning, and they were the home team so they still get to bat. They scored a run off of one of our errors but then we stopped them. YAY US. We won..8-7. I am/was fairly proud of myself for keeping us in it and not fudging it up. Although I didn't realize the huge pressure until the game was over, which is probably better for me
I love it! :)
May 16, 2005
Alone...
So, I've been in a weird funk the last...Oh...All of 2005. It's been fairly frustrating as I was looking forward to this year being better than last, however it's proved more difficult. Whadda ya do?
In the midst of the great community God has placed me in I feel very alone. It's a little disheartening. I keep begging God to show me how he's pursuing me and it seems everytime I ask that the desire to be known to my core grows and grows. As a single female...This being known typically is wanted in a man w/skin and there just aren't that many options available to me in that department...Or at least not many I'd actually consider. (you always have the creepy men...But they are creepy for a reason...) Anyway, it dawned on me last Friday that that intense desire to be known IS how God is pursuing me. I want to be known in a way only he is capable of knowing me. To be known completely and still loved...I have that in the person of Christ. But in my selfishness, I'm disappointed.
disappointed, but not without hope. There's this circle of guilt/blame that I'm currently trying to stop..Guilty for feeling like God isn't enough, blaming myself for that guilt..Etc. (It's really quite a ridiculous cycle in my head) But my heart is raw and it just plan hurts.
It hurts to talk about it, it hurts to think about it and somedays it hurts to hope. Although after Saturday evening, the pain has dulled a little. You see, I keep telling God that I'm tired of going through things alone. At the same time, I don't let myself need people. I was raised to be independent and to lay my heart out to need, knowing people won't meet expectations...Well why would I purposely let people hurt me? At least, that was my line of thought. I'm praying for a new one.
At church yesterday we had the Lord's Supper, celebrating the love Christ has for us. It was very symbolic of a new beginning in my journey...The journey to be complete in Christ and in that...Allowing other people to be themselves, giving them freedom from my expectations, because I am complete in Him.
I feel like this post is a bunch of talking in circles...But quite honestly my brain hasn't figured how to make it make more sense. Welcome to my craziness! Hope you enjoy the ride. :)
In the midst of the great community God has placed me in I feel very alone. It's a little disheartening. I keep begging God to show me how he's pursuing me and it seems everytime I ask that the desire to be known to my core grows and grows. As a single female...This being known typically is wanted in a man w/skin and there just aren't that many options available to me in that department...Or at least not many I'd actually consider. (you always have the creepy men...But they are creepy for a reason...) Anyway, it dawned on me last Friday that that intense desire to be known IS how God is pursuing me. I want to be known in a way only he is capable of knowing me. To be known completely and still loved...I have that in the person of Christ. But in my selfishness, I'm disappointed.
disappointed, but not without hope. There's this circle of guilt/blame that I'm currently trying to stop..Guilty for feeling like God isn't enough, blaming myself for that guilt..Etc. (It's really quite a ridiculous cycle in my head) But my heart is raw and it just plan hurts.
It hurts to talk about it, it hurts to think about it and somedays it hurts to hope. Although after Saturday evening, the pain has dulled a little. You see, I keep telling God that I'm tired of going through things alone. At the same time, I don't let myself need people. I was raised to be independent and to lay my heart out to need, knowing people won't meet expectations...Well why would I purposely let people hurt me? At least, that was my line of thought. I'm praying for a new one.
At church yesterday we had the Lord's Supper, celebrating the love Christ has for us. It was very symbolic of a new beginning in my journey...The journey to be complete in Christ and in that...Allowing other people to be themselves, giving them freedom from my expectations, because I am complete in Him.
I feel like this post is a bunch of talking in circles...But quite honestly my brain hasn't figured how to make it make more sense. Welcome to my craziness! Hope you enjoy the ride. :)
May 05, 2005
Update
Hi....
So I finished the 1/2 Marathon! YAY ME! 3:31:38 was my time. My 9, 10, 11 miles were only 13:00 min. miles. That's great for me!
It's been a fairly though emotional week. A lot of questions I don't have answers to and it all boils down to the fact I need to trust God...but somedays I get confused about what that looks like or how to live that out practically. I went back to the book "Ruthless Trust" by Brennan Manning last night and read what I underlined the 1st time I read it. There's a story of this guy who asks Mother Teresa to pray for clarity for him. She tells him that clarity is the last thing he needs, she'll pray he can trust God.
Amen...and Amen.
So I finished the 1/2 Marathon! YAY ME! 3:31:38 was my time. My 9, 10, 11 miles were only 13:00 min. miles. That's great for me!
It's been a fairly though emotional week. A lot of questions I don't have answers to and it all boils down to the fact I need to trust God...but somedays I get confused about what that looks like or how to live that out practically. I went back to the book "Ruthless Trust" by Brennan Manning last night and read what I underlined the 1st time I read it. There's a story of this guy who asks Mother Teresa to pray for clarity for him. She tells him that clarity is the last thing he needs, she'll pray he can trust God.
Amen...and Amen.
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